Kandace Rather

I’m originally from the Sunflower state of Kansas. My sweetest childhood memories are being at the ballfields where I was either playing ball or sitting in the stands eating sunflower seeds with my friends. I grew up in the small town of Independence, Kansas, where the population more than triples at our annual Neewollah celebration. Growing up my name was Kandi Cain and one year, my mother affectionately dressed me up as a Candy Cane and had me march down the street at our Kiddie Parade!

Treasuring good memories are important for me as my childhood was also filled with multiple losses. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old and feeling sadness became a consistent theme in my growing up years. You would have never identified me as sad because my outgoing, “happy” personality hid it well.

Once I was introduced to numbing emotional pain through temporary fixes, it became a way of life until the age of 42 when the pain became too much. It was at this time I experienced the truth of

“blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Finding healing by facing pain and learning the beauty of lament broke the cycle of turning to temporary fixes for comfort, and instead turning to God and choosing the vulnerability of asking for help from others.

Loss crashed into my life again when I lost my dad to Mesothelioma in December 2018. Growing up a daddy’s girl whose heart was pursued until the end has left me the legacy of deep love, deep loss and the beauty of hope. Grief Untangled is born out of the mess that unresolved grief can make in the lives of those who found no place to mourn and to help untangle the complexities of grief for those who have. 

I am currently a Retreat Director at Harrison Creek Retreat where I love to work with couples and women struggling through hard places in life. I look forward to opening up more spaces for people to wrestle through the issues of grief and loss in safe and healing communities through Grief Untangled. I’ve been married to my husband Nathan since 1989 and we have three married children and three wonderful grandchildren who we love to spend time with.